Follow-up to Glen Lodge kirtan, November 5 2011

I would like to share some of the discourses and memories of  a great holy man, Swami Ambikananda of Mauritius (1934-97), whom I was lucky enough to know for thirty years. This is the first.

From Glen Lodge 31 March, 1997

Following his massive heart attack in 1995, Swamiji’s health was irrecoverably damaged, but he continued to organize kirtans and receive devotees at Glen Lodge. The previous month there had been a kirtan at Madonna’s house in Corfton Rd, London, where a number of his Mauritian relatives were present, including his daughter Virgini. Now at Glen Lodge he was wearing an apron decorated with Mauritian cuisine recipes as he cooked a delicious meal for his guests, Nita, Sada Siva, MahaLakshmi and Jai Narain. Swamiji cooking at Glen LodgeThe following is a version of his discourse at that time.

These notes were read out at the kirtan given at Glen Lodge last week, November 5th 2011.

God is slow but sure, and He is so bearing. He warns you. He doesn’t let you fall completely down to the bottom. And then there are angels too, to grab the little ones. When you go over the border there’s warning – then there’s work. But the Sun will shine. It’s not all dark every day. People don’t thank the Sun. When it shines they say. ‘Let’s do this, let’s do that,’ but they should think of the Sun, they should thank him.

So much has happened that’s irreparable; but you have to learn by accident, by the fall, or there’s no learning. And when accidents happen, not everyone gets hurt. What was inside is now outside. What was hidden is proclaimed

Ideas drag you up and down. We are slaves of our ideas. A slight temptation becomes a big burden, or a net, like the net a coolie has on his back to hold all the things there. So try and control the mind, the ideas. Whatever you do for your pleasure may later be for your bondage. Anticipation pays; it helps, it gives you room to decide, to clear a space, get a breath of fresh air. Anticipation can save a life.

Some people want things all at once. But it will come, if you give it time. Some people have to have their own nature, their privacy. Love is for the other person, it’s not for you. There’s nothing like your own community. Why always think of yourself? Others are also yourself, in another form, happy, or lonely – it’s yourself, alienated, unknown to you – so don’t render evil for evil. Come, share with joy.

It’s good to be a bit active if you’re not affected. When you go beyond the limit you need correction. I am very Krishnaic; I can kill or I can save. To say ‘I can’t help it’ is inventing a kind of disease for yourself. Then nature takes action, there is justice.

We wouldn’t survive if there was only justice. We’re definitely being overlooked [let off]: there is the grace of the Guru, and the grace of your own mind. You don’t know because you haven’t shuffled the card of divinity in the pack of 52 states of life. So grace is very important. Even revelation is not much good if you don’t understand it. ‘Greater than the vision is the interpretation of the vision.’ Therefore divine life needs explanation from a knower, or one who has been told by the Immortal preceptor. I exist before an action takes place. I am declaring it myself.

Spirituality mixed leads to insanity. But you have to know why something must be done. [Just being told] “Don’t, don’t,” doesn’t help you if you don’t know why. Let the person go through these squares. As Jesus said, ‘I don’t condemn you; go, commit sin no more.’

Every action has a reaction. But when a thought has been curbed, controlled, which a man cannot do yet,  it clears away the cloud and brings the Sun. Nature is the Sun, working for the Father; one blow of the wind, and all the leaves are pushed aside, all the leaves of autumn  are brushed away. Due to power of  control, there’s a spontaneous manifestation without action.

The joy is for you, to present what you have brought. But the Person is everything. He is the picture, the rest is the frame. It’s all built on Prema. Self-corrective, self-adjusted. You appear at our meeting as you are. But all is to be discovered in another life. Slowly, slowly, it will come to be printed. You can’t hide forever. Everything is done hiddenly. Jesus said: “What you did in darkness shall be proclaimed.”

Where is heaven? Where is the kingdom? The kingdom is within you. God takes his time, but if you’re willing, you can untangle the loose rope [of free will], Ramakrishna says. Jesus didn’t explain why He taught us to say, “Lead us not into temptation.” He didn’t explain to the crowd, only to his own people, because if there’s no understanding it gets more confused; if you try to explain something to a child it’s no good.

Explanation is spiritual help and blessing, to reassure the doubters. But you are tepid, unawakened. You have to be the same in every breath, every thought, if possible. Confession helps. People are hypocrites, but they want to be strong.  Beyond man and woman is the Paramount One – pure knowledge and bliss. Through that bliss a man is conscious of the reassurance of that blissful Reality. Then he gets knowledge to reassure him.

Heart, mind, words, action, all these should be straight together. We are trying to express what the supernatural language speaks to the heart. Abide by what we are saying. Try to decipher. It is audible trance. It’s coming out, telling you one or two words that bubble, bubbles of reality. As soon as you go from here it disappears, but here it is crystal clear, Words bubble and drop.

Life blossoms in one birth, but if you’re not careful you can lose even this birth. Do not waste it. It’s a matter of your interest. If you have assistance renewing spiritual life is easy; but depending on yourself is greater than any assistance. You have to have will power, discrimination, self-control. But allowance is given for falling. The closer you are, the greater the temptation.

A man can have love, but without will power it’s a neglected field, it’s a fruit tree that hasn’t been cultivated, the fruit left to drop, abandoned. Will power is a determination, where ‘no’ becomes a virtue, yielding becomes a vice. Will power is another word for capacity to reject. Don’t be distracted, be oblivious of surroundings.

Feeling is very dangerous. You can’t explain your weakness; it takes you over. Feeling has a rite and ritual of first introduction, then possession, then madness, a dangerous malady if you have body-mindedness. These little things are overgrowing us, they are a slow death to the soul. Everything is being chewed up slowly, swallowed, in different ways. When you wake up from this unreality then you realise how much of you has been wasted. So you must get astride the giant. The greater the temptation that comes, the greater the challenge. You have to conquer. The greatest conquest is to master yourself first, not the world.

Ganga keeps the body pure. But once we’re in the water, don’t make a mess in this water.
You have to have experience, or emotion  rules you all your life long; you’re reborn in it; it goes into the subconscious. So, you are put in the forge. You are test-driven. Ramakrishna’s guru was a woman [the bairavi Brahmani]; Vivekananda’s first Western disciple was a woman, Cookie.

All this is due to lack of will power, weakness. If a man has will power he is a god. But you are yourself, however much you project yourself into another person, you are yourself. You identify but, minus the One, you  are that ugly gorilla. If the field isn’t cultivated the yield is minimal. Human beings are the best produce in the world, so we believe in rebirth – next time you catch up in next birth. A strong will is the basis of discrimination.

Be spiritually minded  and you attain everything. God has wanted you to serve humanity in this form. If you love your work and adhere to it, you will get a result. But you have to come to that stage of satiation. Some people are like prophets – we give you a hint.
Chastity, purity, not too much indulgence, moderate in eating, drinking, sleeping. You are an instrument, you must be in harmony. The body is a temple, like it or not. The cleaner it is, the better for the Indweller. Otherwise the body pays tax for the soul to use it.

Do your best. Say, “I don’t know any mantra. I have faith in Thee. Lead me.”

Broaden the heart to the point of having nothing tomorrow. Just live on faith and water. God provides. All failure comes from lack of will power. The actor rehearses, but you have to have this power and guts. You have to repeat, night and day. Your  nature is perfection, so your standard is perfection. All you need is a good jockey with a cotton whip, and a bowl of trifle in the paddock for the horse.

Without practice there is no progress. You don’t have to practice everything; but you have to be practical in reality, honesty, dharma, being yourself without anybody,  with everything in your mind, your thousand whims and fantasies. Truth conquers; otherwise the sorrow overpowers you every day.

You have to be that which is not without experience, knowledge, high consciousness, transcendental bliss. There is a special channel of grace of reassurance positive, to communicate with Truth; the path of clarity, honesty, and cleanliness. And you are the end of the destination. You start here but you are already there. So it transcends space and time.
*

Bilsborrow kirtan February 2011

BILSBORROW 19 AND 20 FEBRUARY 2011
You are to be adored (Gayatri) Ramakrishna(Gayatri)
Govinda and other bhajans to Hari (Gayatri) Divine Master (Maha Yogini)
Sri Ramakrishna is dancing (Tryambaka)
Sadashiva (Maha Yogini) Ambikananda (Maha Yogini)
Glory Be (Maha Yogini) Jesus my Life (Tryambaka)
Soul of Christ I (Hari Om) Reading about Jesus from Swamiji’s teachings (Kumari)
Soul of Christ II (Hari Om) Love bade me welcome – George Herbert (Tryambaka reads)

Sentimental Journey

“Gonna take a Sentimental Journey,
Gonna set my heart at ease.
Gonna take a Sentimental Journey –
To renew old memories.

Never thought my heart could be so yearny
Why did I decide to roam?
Gonna take a Sentimental Journey,
Sentimental Journey home.”

Dear Brothers and Sisters,
You’ll forgive me, I hope, if I begin our conversation with this lilting lyrical tune from 1944 (although, I feel there is never a need to apologise for Doris Day, it is for the context I may need to be forgiven!). There is reason, if not rationale, to this seemingly random premise, for my mind is forever awash with the sentimental reverie of ‘old memories’. This ‘renewal’ at times serves to inspire what our Guru would call a ‘clue’, a spiritual ‘tip’, which leads to some greater understanding:
“ You are feeding yourselves with all these tips, all is loose steps, do-it-yourself kit, so now go to your bed and take your spiritual ladder from earth to heaven.”
My own spiritual path has proved to be an ever evolving recipe, with ingredients taken from a vast store cupboard, a larder of experience, teachings and memory. To continue with this somewhat clunky culinary metaphor: The roux of mysticism, stirred over the heat of divine love, the meat of scripture basted with truth and sincerity, subtly spiced with the personality of the Masterchef, our GuruDev! – “ Cooking is you, converted onto a plate and offered to Brahman.”
But as ever I digress: –
Dear Friends, I have been contemplating and exploring this idea of a personal path, the path for and of the ‘individual self’:
“ Think of God in your own way. Think of yourself- how you can make it easy. Think of God in the way YOU approach God.”
This means finding your own technique, your own strategies for meditation and practise, discovering and crafting your own natural and intimate relationship with God:
“ I don’t meditate to force myself, I don’t go by duty, I go by nature and nature is divine. I don’t go by technique. So much the better if you have technique, but the first technique is love, that’s the only rope that can bind individual self to supreme self. If you have got love you have got everything. And on top of that, if purity is added, sincerity, truthfulness! It takes time, but as long as there is no ego, and you know nothing belongs to you…
Don’t force your own nature. If you can’t do something give it up, put it aside, sleep. But while you are sleeping, cradle your mind. Ramakrishna gives a tip:” When you go to bed, at least if you cannot do anything put your hand on your heart, and think of the Mother.”
To extract solitude or silence from your everyday ‘householder’ life is no easy matter. The Swami often described himself as a “ thief in the night, stealing time and solitude for meditation”. Although I have no memory of him actually ever sleeping, in repose, in meditation- yes, but not actually sleeping, not even snoozing! For me, even when the physical state of solitude is achieved, arresting the ever-racing mind and retrieving some real state of peace is a rare and precious thing. My Grandmother used to say, as she sat in contemplation in her wing-backed armchair, ” Don’t disturb darling, I’m thinking”. This ‘thinking’, I now understand was a natural form of meditation; disengaged yet fully present. What begins as reverie deepens into an expansive plateau of consciousness, what begins as a sentimental journey, can lead you home.
“ You have to have this mind, you have to be calm, to receive, to witness, to put all these divine things into your bones, so when you come back to your ordinary life, you know you are not this, you are soul!”
So my “Dears”, I have come to understand this one small thing about my’ individual’ Self: That my nature is sentimental and my journey through reverie to meditation always begins with a memory. A memory of something, that seemed so inconsequential at the time, can now evoke something profound. So that some thirty years later, seated in an armchair, just such a thought is pushed to the front of the mind. And one is forced to say to a small child peaking round the door, “Don’t disturb darling, I’m thinking”!
And this is what I am thinking: As a young child of the Ashram, I was given a task, a little chore by our Swami at the beginning of each kirtan. On his arrival at the abode of the hosting devotee, in one of his most beautiful and dearly loved celestial chariots, or bangers! In amongst the meeting and greeting, the salutations and welcomes, he would hand me his briefcase; a battered, yet decidedly formal attaché case, with gilded clasps and hinges. Though heavy, I would carry it with care, to his appointed seat in the kirtan room situated before the resplendent shrine. There I was to undo the stiff latches and leave it open and ready. I remember completing this procedure a number of times, over a number of years and in a variety of different locations. This is only of importance from the point of view of what it contained. Firstly the ubiquitous text, a holy scripture that was the ‘ Word’ of the time, be it: Universal Prayers or Sister Josefa, Vivekananda or Anne Catherine Emmerich, Shirdi Sai or Maria Valtorta etcetera, etcetera, for as you know we were never monotonous! It also often held small gifts for a particular devotee, a picture or card, a medal or amulet, specific yet simple treasures. But in retrospect, what was truly extraordinary, was what else the case contained: Never less than a hundred sheets, usually more, two inches deep of foolscap typed up and annotated notes. Page after page of prayer and text, dense sheets of type, with handwritten notations in margin and scrawled symbols in every available space. Now remember this was before the time of computers, before the time of photocopier or word processor. This was work done sitting at a typewriter toiling over key and inky ribbon, and what’s more it was rarely, if ever removed from the case. This was spiritual labour, preparation done prior to a meeting, devotion in the form of work and industry. We think of the Guru as one enlightened, inspired, filled with the spirit, teaching from the illumined page of divinity. He is fully formed teacher, preacher and reacher, the embodiment of Brahman. But also he is spiritual labourer, worker, artisan, skilled practitioner and messenger. His labour may be guided, and I believe in some cases supplied, but it is born of searching endeavour.
“ I didn’t read all these books before, I had a call first, then I wanted to find out more- the Virgin herself was supplying me. She is still supplying me, and it is not finished … I am telling you what I am doing, and if you abide here, I am getting somewhere to the goal of my life, not forgetting what we have already done. Ramakrishna already reached his goal, then he practised different religions-Christianity, Mohammedan, different, different…. I am perhaps delaying in Hinduism because I have got a kind of work to do and I am doing it.”
There is work in worship, there is work in meditation. But is it not your own devised yet natural way of working, your “do-it- yourself kit”, that builds your spiritual ladder, rung by rung, from earth to heaven. Your own journey (sentimental or not) home.
“ Vedanta points out to aspiring men and women the numerous roads, hewn out of the solid rock of the realities of human life by the glorious sons or human manifestations of God, and stands with outstretched arms to welcome all to that Home of Truth and Ocean of Bliss, wherein the human soul, liberated from the net of maya, may transport itself with perfect freedom and with eternal joy. “
Swami Vivekananda

Blissings, Blessings and Sentimental Love
Sanjana Yogeshwaree
Of the Order of Ambikananda MSSA
(All quotations taken from the teachings of Swami Ambikananda)

yogeshwaree@gmail.com